Week of Tragedy - Boston Bombing

The tragic events of the Boston Marathon are quite unnerving and shake us to the core.  How should one respond to such news and how do we deal with such calamity? The horrible cruelty perpetrated as innocent lives are taken, maimed and changed forever is hard to imagine. Members of the Newtown massacre who were at the marathon, how do they cope?  If that wasn’t enough, another major calamity happened this week when the Fertilizer factory exploded killing up to 60 people and injuring 200.

How do we respond? What are the answers? There are no simple answers, and in fact to any of these events, no answer given will suffice. To Paraphrase our Rabbis in Pirkei Avos – silence is the best medicine. Like Aharon Hakohen’s response ,  Vayidom Aharon,  and Aharon was silent, when his sons died from the fire of heaven, the only response we have is silence.

Silence can mean many things. It may mean holding back anger and pain and it may mean accepting G-D’s judgement. It also means that that which makes me human, the power of speech, is put on hold, because to be able to respond is almost not possible. It is beyond our ability, it’s superhuman.

In an article about another devastating story this week,  Shoshana Stern, a 12 year old girl, daughter of Rabbi Mike & Denise Stern, was killed when she was hit by a car while skateboarding home. Denise Stern is quoted as asking the detective how the driver was doing and that she hoped the driver’s life was not ruined. “We are people of faith”, she told the detective. That faith is the faith of silence.  It’s the understanding that there’s more we don’t understand than we do understand.

We must continue to find strength in each other during these difficult times. May we strengthen our faith with Hashem, and continue to push forward, using the character trait of Netzach, Endurance (the Sefirah of the week), to do what’s right, with faithfulness.

Flying Bagged Passenger

This is NOT a TOY!

Most of us have seen the warning labels on plastic bags, especially the ones that are wrapped around toys. They say, "This is not a Toy!"  I've wondered often, what prompted such a stern warning. It seems that every warning label has a story (read: lawsuit) attached to it. Yes, I understand if the warning said “May cause suffocation, keep out of reach of children”, but a Toy? My theory, (snope it if you’d like) is that someone came home one day with a  gift. “Kid’s look, what I got you…”, “Wow daddy, what is it?” says the excited little ones.  “Well kids,” says daddy, “It’s a little race car! Oh and what’s this it comes with a bonus toy plastic bag! What a bargain.”

This week, the news got a shot of an airline passenger in a plastic bag. The photo itself is fascinating, with the potential of so many captions. Many have wondered how he’s able to breathe, and others were wondering what he was actually doing! Could it be that he was so concerned about airborne disease, or perhaps he’s just someone else’s carry-on luggage?

After doing some research, I found the reason for the passenger’s bagginess. The man was a scrupulous kohen who was concerned and knew that the plane would be flying over Jewish cemeteries. The Talmud in Eruvin 30b-31a (daf yomi this week), discusses the concept of an Ohel Zaruk, a moveable (enclosed) tent. The scenario that is posed is whether a kohen can enter a cemetery in a box in order to pick up food for an eruv. The Rambam, (Maimonides), follows the view that a moveable enclosure does not protect a person who is above something that can make him impure. With regards to the impurity of a cemetery, the impurity rises to the heaven.   It is for this reason that El-Al has modified its flight paths many times in order to accommodate kohanim. Although the airplane does not constitute a separation, the bag that surrounds the kohen would create the separation from the unwanted Tumah (impurity).

The concept of a sealed bag is used in other areas of halacha as well. For example, with regards to geniza, or the burial of sacred objects, one is required to put a Sefer Torah and Tefillin in a sealed klei cheres, earthenware jug, in order to slow the decomposition process. Nowadays, we put them in a plastic bag.

How does he breathe? The same scenario in the Talmud, on Eruvin 31a, explains that the kohen can grab the food with a stick as long as the hole, from where the stick is held, is less than one tefach wide (approximately 3.5 inches). Based on this, the airline passenger would be able to have many small holes in the bag, which were at least 10 inches apart from each other and with the size of each hole less than 3.5 inches.

The big question really is what was your reaction when you saw that picture? Confused, embarrassed, proud, inquisitive or angry? What would you have felt had you been on that plane? Would you have felt that he was making a Chilul Hashem (descration of G-D’s name), a Kiddush Hashem (Sanctification of G-D’s name), or would you have simply leaned over to the man and shown him the warning sign on the bag?

Comedian Avi Lieberman has a great line, “if someone is more religious than us, he’s meshugah, and if they are less religious than us, they’re a goy. “  The first half usually happens when we see something that’s out of our comfort zone of religion and just goes too far. It’s important to stop and think for a moment as to why we live and why we do the things we do. It may go against our nature, but it is important to see someone else’s meshugenah tendencies as another approach to doing things right, for the right reasons.   Before we judge and mock others’ religious practices, just imagine what the ‘goy’ below you thinks of you!

Ps. I found the picture to my original theory. Taken in a Wal-Mart:

Shortcomings and Longcomings

If according to Meriam-Webster, a shortcoming is defined as "an imperfection or lack that detracts from the whole; also : the quality or state of being flawed or lacking", then by definition the word longcoming should mean the opposite. Could one say that it is "perfection that adds to the whole"?  Probably not, since how can one add to something that is perfect. According to the second definition, one may say that longcoming may mean "the quality or state of being perfect or not lacking anything". Used in a sentence, "Being good at baseball is one of my longcomings".
So why is there no word longcoming? Reference.com defines the word shortcoming as "a failure, defect, or deficiency in conduct, condition, thought, ability"; which seems to focus on the human conduct or condition. With that definition, we have a better understanding why shortcoming's sister word didn't make it into the American lexicon.
Deficiencies in people are a necessary trait for human growth. Imperfection is part of the human condition. It is how G-D has put us on this world. With our lacks, we are able to look to G-D to fill the voids that we are missing. One who suffers from lack of health or wealth can look to G-D. 
Interestingly enough, in one of the after blessings for eating a food, we say "Borei Nefashot Rabot V'Chesronan", loosely translated as "You create many souls and their lackings". We bless G-D for what we lack, because it is those things that we lack, that enable us to rely on and to forge a relationship with Him.
The best part of having a character deficiency is when you find out about that deficiency. When you realize what you are lacking, then you have found out what you can work on to get to a level of perfection with the creator. Finding what we are lacking means finding purpose. It also means looking for those who's qualities can compliment our deficiencies. That's what can make marriage or any other relationship so wonderful, when you see how the other person has the missing piece to your puzzle.
At the end of the day, it seems that shortcomings really are longcomings. When I see what I'm missing, I am perfect, perfectly lacking.

Hannukah Chanukah Hanukkah - endless possibilities

Throughout Jewish history, the Jewish holidays have been a cornerstone of observance for Jews everywhere. Jewish holidays don’t just commemorate things that happened in the past, those events are relived in the present similar to a birthday. It’s not just a celebration of when a person was brought into the world; it’s a renewal of life for that person each year.
With all the wonderful Jewish holidays in our calendar, the holiday of Hannukah is one of the most widely celebrated holidays. Hanukkah has yet another distinction, as it’s the only holiday that has left so many people in a spelling quandary.
It is understandable if some write the holiday with or without a “c” at the beginning- this is based on translations of Hebrew into modern day English where there is no “ch” sound as in “uuch” (not as in “chew”). The confusion lies in the “n”’s, “k”’s and final “h”. How many “n”’s, one or two? How about the “k”’s, again one or two? The final “h”, keep it or drop it? Search and you will find various articles with the many spellings. The spelling that leaves me bewildered is the double “k”. What’s the second “k” for- emphasis? Would the word sound different with one “k”? Is it to compensate for the missing “c” which doesn’t even have a “k” sound in this case? So many questions, so many nights, but will the answers suffice?
Luckily, when it comes to Chanukah, there is no dispute as to how many days are celebrated and how many candles are lit. And for those that celebrate the holiday, it is celebrated at the highest level of observance. As mentioned in a previous article, the commandment to light has three tiers. 1. One candle per night per household. 2. One candle per night per person, and 3. An additional candle each night - the way practiced by most people. Though there are many reasons why people fulfill this Rabbinic commandment to such a degree, I would like to suggest one idea.
The light of the candle, especially the light of the Menorah in the Temple represents an inner flame that exists and burns inside every Jew. No matter what level of experience or practice a Jew may be at, they are inborn with a holy flame that waits to be stoked. This is the flame of Torah that exists in every Jew, whether they have learned Torah or not.
On Chanukah, when we light our chanukiah (the eight branched candelabra), we are lighting a deeper flame. When we light it with the maximum requirements, we are talking to our inner soul, and our inner soul is talking to us. We want more of our fire to glow. We want a greater inner spiritual meaning. We want to shine forth.
No matter how you spell it, this Chanukah let your inner flame radiate to the outside world, and let it glow for more than eight days.

Last of the Mohicans

No, it can’t be. You must be kidding. Not him!

This past week, the world was yet again shocked by the disclosure of one of the most famed athletes in sports. The man who could do no wrong, with a bright smile that adorned his face, he was the crème de la crème of role models.

Another one bites the dust? Tiger Woods has shown that his personal life isn’t very personal. Its hard to call it personal when so many people are involved in your personal life.

I have no claims against Tiger, I’ve got claims against myself (and perhaps at all those who thought like me). Should we be surprised that a multi-million dollar golfer- the best in the world – has succumbed to infidelity and the desires of celebrity life? We shouldn’t be surprised…but we were. We thought he was the last pure sports hero. Someone who played the game and otherwise led his life in humility. Admit it, you thought it too.

Why do we fool ourselves into thinking that he should be pure. Perhaps its because we are excited at his accomplishments and want to live vicariously through him. I think its because we idolize him to some extent. Since he is an icon in many of our eyes, he needs to live up to our values and be at the top of the pedestal.

Once we realize that all he is is a great golfer and nothing more, our icon/idol begins to crumble. Why? Because we aren't that shallow to idolize something which has no moral or religious standards of living. This is precisely why we don't want to believe it, because we want him to be our icon.

It is amazing how this story unfolds one week before Chanukah (Hanukkah), where the Jews recognized the same thing. The human body can do wondrous things, but its the human spirit that is even more amazing. The Greeks focused on the celebration of the human body, the sport of life. Anytime the soul and one's spirituality are relegated to 2nd class status, its a sure recipe for failure. You will fall off the pedestal.

This struggle is also found in this week's Torah portion regarding Yaakov (Jacob) and Esav (Esau). This struggle that Yaakov went through, fighting the angel of Esav, is the same Tiger Wood's struggle. Not Tiger's struggle, OUR Tiger Wood's struggle. Fighting for purity when everything else seems so much more fun and exciting.

When will we learn to search for the real people to look up to. The people who are true through and through. The one's who look to elevate themselves in more than just the physical.

We must keep trying to find our inner core values and inner core self. Don't be fooled into 'new and improved' marketing tactics; search inward.

Keep searching, we are not out of the Woods yet!

Thanksgiving & Giving Thanks

As another Thanksgiving has passed, I started thinking of the joyous holiday which leaves most of us stuffed. Thanksgiving is a wonderful concept which doesn’t exactly live up to its billing in practice.
As one of the most widely celebrated holidays in America, it leaves me puzzled as to whether this holiday is a ‘holiday’ or simply a personal day. Perhaps in today’s circuit charged lifestyle, a personal day is a holiday, a holiday in the sense of spiritual bonding with one’s inner core values. Are we so distant from our values that the day of ‘thanks’ in America just means a day of respite? Can we not strive to be elevated human beings with our G-dliness creating greater meaning for ourselves?
Today’s Thanksgiving, in my opinion has lost much of the luster from days of old. Admittedly, for me the greatest expression of thanks on this particular day is “Thanks for no traffic”. What a relief to seemingly float over the freeways like a hovercraft. Just wait for Black Friday to really appreciate no crowds.
For most people Thanksgiving, aside from a day together with family, represents cooking, turkey, and football. Now, of course, Thanksgiving represents the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday.
The Ralph’s parking lots were built with Thanksgiving Day in mind. The lot is half full every other day of the year, but on Thanksgiving it’s packed, with barely a spot to be found. People comment for days on blogs and on TV, as to how they’ll be able to cook a five course meal on this auspicious day. Funny, you don’t find many Jewish housewives interviewed – probably because they prepare these meals weekly for Shabbat.
Spending time with family and bonding with relatives is a wonderful idea, but is that what Thanksgiving is all about? Did we miss something about the holiday? Perhaps we need to take a fresh look at Thanksgiving. We should celebrate our Thanksgiving in a different manner, by preparing checklists as to what we should be thankful for, before the holiday. By thanking the Almighty for the goodness he has done for us. By praising the compassion that G-D bestows upon us. Thank G-D for the daily miracles that we take for granted, the breathing, the thinking, the eating, and the walking miracles, the ones that we can’t live without.
Make your checklist count. Before you write your Black Friday list, make a list for Thanksgiving. You can add the pumpkin, but make sure to write the thanks for having the gift of life first.

Becoming a good complainer

Many of us think that its so easy to complain. Find something small that bothers you and infatuate it as a terrible breach on humanity or your own personal life, and a bonafide complaint is born. Sure that's simple. But to complain and have others reap tremendous enjoyment out of it, now that takes talent.

Allow me to enlighten you with the incident of the true complainer, one who's complaints know no bounds, who's gripes will attempt to pierce through the happiest moments. Alas, this complainer didn't realize that he was creating a world of happiness to those listening in.

A few men in their 70's were studying the Talmud together. After a rather humorous dispute as to whether they should take a break for a few minutes, a conversation began. "My grandson is staying by us" started Larry.
"Whada ya mean staying, I thought he was visiting for a day!" piped Sid.
"What are you talking about?! I told you he was coming to us two days ago"
"Yeah, but you never said he was staying!"

And now the Larry the complainer:
"Anyway, so my son buys me this picture frame, you know the ones where the picture changes. You plug it in to the computer and it brings up a new picture."
(Gee, that sounds nice)

"Well, you know he paid $90 for it, a fortune!"
(Sounds like he really wanted to get you something nice)

"You know, I'm gonna have to give him the money back one way or another, I always give him money for things, so I'm gonna have to pay him back somehow for this!"

Sid jumps in, "Well is it nice?"

Larry's response "You know, the screen is too small, you can barely see anything. He should have spent $130 for the larger model. Instead he gets the cheaper one!"
(You're killing me Larry)

What we have here is an excellent example of proper complaining. Larry has covered all bases to ensure that the short end of the stick is all his own.

The key here is when you prepare a complaint, make sure you have a follow up complaint in case someone attempts to find something positive in the scenario. A good complainer always has a two handed approach.